Post-Topical Chic
I was talking to some of y’all at SXSW about doing this, then Dr. Wife went ahead and had it made up.
I’ll admit, the joke is so two months ago.
Note: Just found out we weren’t the only ones to go to CafePress with this schtick.
Belated SXSW Coverage
Here are the articles I wrote for E-Gear on SXSW:
Day One: How Apple Gets Away With It
Day Two: Say Goodbye to E-mail, Commercials and Multiple Logins
Day Three: Whoever Wins the Format War, Indies Lose
Day Four: Will Wright, Film Theorist
Here’s an interview I did with Adaptive Path’s Peter Merholz while I was there - video - podcast
Oh, and here’s a bonus entry (nothing to do with SX) about how many visual effects artists it takes to screw in a blockbuster.
Cast Your Own Bond Villain
Had a dream last night about the next Bond film. Had a pretty cool intro. involving an exploding penny or something. Anyhoo, it got me thinking about whom I would like to see play a Bond villain. In no particular order…
Geoffrey Rush
Don Cheadle
Danny Huston
Ian McKellan
Michael Caine (how has this not happened yet?)
Jet Li (would have to bring back Michelle Yeoh to stand a fighting chance)
Tom Hanks (seriously)
Clive Owen
Samantha Morton (cos she can do anything)
Gary Oldman
Joan Allen
Your picks?
DVD Shortcut
No time to post the full preview today, so let’s just cut to the chase.
By the way, I know I’m a little late to the game, but the new Arcade Fire is kicking my ass.
Meet the Lookout
300’s run couldn’t last forever, and it’s just as well that animated turtles took it down, even if it did cause Harvey Weinstein to utter the phrase, “It’s sequel time, dudes.” The only flick I overestimated was Reign Over Me, which will take in about half of what I figured.
3/30
Wide
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Genius kid travels to the future to save his family or something.
WILL IT SUCK?
The second non-Pixar CG animated Disney flick, although they did get “additional story material” from Monsters, Inc. and Cars contributor Daniel Gerson. The main writer used to scribe Will & Grace, so I’m curious. Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition, but I can see things like TMNT from the week before or Are We Done Yet? from the week after nipping at its heels. $73mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Will Ferrell and Jon Heder as figure skaters.
WILL IT SUCK?
My review comes out Friday, but I can tell you now that it’s pretty much on a par with most Ferrell flicks. I’d rate it just below Talladega Nights.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Are We Done Yet? is a little bit of an issue the following week, but Will Ferrell can take Ice Cube. $80mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Kind of like Underworld without the vampires. Or 1/12 the budget.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of Jason X. Wait. Where are you going?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With Grindhouse coming out the following weekend, I’m thinking this will go the way of Blood and Chocolate. $4mil.
Limited
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy gets more than he bargained for when he agrees to attend a wedding with a potential business partner.
WILL IT SUCK?
After seeing Mads Mikkelsen in Casino Royale, I’m curious to see if he can do more than bleed out his eye and pummel Daniel Craig in the ball sack. International kudos and a slot alongside the other Best Foreign Film nominees this year indicate the answer to that question is “yes.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
My guess is most audiences are content with the eye-bleed ball sack thing. $1mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Bottle Rocket in New Hampshire.
WILL IT SUCK?
I’m just trying to get over the fact that in one year we’re going to have a movie called Live Free or Die and a movie called Live Free or Die Hard. Early buzz is mixed with critics trashing it while audiences seem amused and SXSW and Seattle give it awards. Written and directed by two former Seinfeld writers with the likes of Judah Friedlander, Aaron Stanford, Michael Rapaport, Kevin Dunn, Zooey Deschanel and Kim Director in the ensemble.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Better on DVD. $500,000.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Caper with Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a mentally handicapped janitor at a bank.
WILL IT SUCK?
After Out of Sight and Minority Report, screenwriter Scott Frank is my boy (we’ll ignore Heaven’s Prisoners) and here he directs as well. Also a big Levitt fan, and curious to see if Isla Fisher can deliver on the promise of Wedding Crashers. Early buzz is very good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it can capitalize on the success of Brick, okay. $2mil.
Next Week: And you thought 300 was a hard R.
Velociraptor Math
Perhaps my favorite part of this site:
Velociraptors can open doors, but are slowed by them. They can open an initial door in approximately 5 minutes, and will take half that time for each subsequent door.
via Arielle.
Everyone’s Nativity
Region 1 DVD Releases for March 20, 2007
This week: The movie everyone thought they would hate.
Blood Diamond (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Spawning well-deserved Oscar nods for Leonardo DiCaprio and Djimon Hounsou, this latest from Glory and Last Samurai maestro Ed Zwick centers on the horrors of the diamond trade in 1990s Sierra Leone. The first studio feature I’ve seen that deals graphically with the child armies created during this time, Diamond actually ups the ante on the brutality of the previous year’s Africa expose The Constant Gardner, if not achieving that film’s lyricism. Extras include a doc that follows a diamond from the ground to the store.
Rocky Balboa
Late last year, Razzie founder John Wilson confessed ““At the first of the year, you could not have convinced me [Rocky Balboa] wasn’t going to be a Razzie contender,” but like the eponymous pugilist, the film defied expectations and actually got some good reviews. Still, without a talking robot (a la Rocky IV), I don’t know if it will truly find a place in my heart. Extras include commentary by Stallone.
Eragon (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Those of you waiting for Jeremy Irons to star in another bad movie about dragons so you could have that double feature in your library, but were disappointed when he did not appear in Dungeons and Dragons 2, need wait no longer. I think you’ll be happier if you just rent Dragonslayer again. You have to hand it to them for fully tricking out the second disc, however. It even has a pronunciation guide.
The Nativity Story
Disappointing narrative from Thirteen helmer Catherine Hardwicke who, even with the uber-talented Keisha Castle-Hughes as Mary, doesn’t find the same emotional rawness that made Thirteen so memorable. Also manages to squander the talents of Ciaran Hinds and Alexander Siddig. The disc boasts no extras but, then again, I’m not sure what extras I’d want. Full review here.
Everyone’s Hero
When a movie has a talking baseball bat voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, you pretty much know right then and there whether or not you want to venture further. One of the less successful animated features of 2006, this film has the distinction of being the only theatrical release on which Christopher Reeve has a directing credit. As the flick went into production after Reeve’s tragic death, his involvement gets a little murky, but the extras feature a tribute to the man of steel, so his influence is certainly felt.
More here.
The Hills Have Pride
In a turnout that shocked nobody, 300 reigned for a second straight weekend. I finally saw it (in IMAX no less) and I can say without reservation that it’s the most visually stunning film I’ve ever seen. Also, the most testosterone per foot of celluloid since The Fast and the Furious.
Also saw The Host, which practically redefines the monster movie. Think of it as a very dark Little Miss Sunshine.
The big news this weekend, at least for my neck of the woods, is the probable buyout of my beloved local Ritz chain of indie theaters by Landmark. I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, Landmark probably will run a tight indie ship, and may even improve upon the current Ritz experience. On the other hand, I weep on principle for one more independently owned theater biting the dust. And I’m nervous for my equally beloved Charles theater in Baltimore, which is about to face some stiff competition from the very same.
3/23
Wide
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
If you’re a sniper, and someone asks you to use your sniping skills to protect the President, you’re being set up. And not for nothing, but if you tell somebody something and their response is “Have you told anyone else?” say “Yes. I told my friends, my book club, I posted it on my blog and I just finished telling my mom.”
WILL IT SUCK?
From Training Day (and nothing else good) director Antoine Fuqua and based on a novel by film critic Stephen Hunter (why didn’t he write the screenplay?). Screenplay from the guy who wrote Lethal Weapon 4 (not terrible, but most of that was Jet Li) and Red Planet (for which there is no excuse).
Early buzz is pretty “meh.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Caught between the considerable b.o. appeal of Mark Wahlberg and the complete overcrowding of this weekend. $47mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It’s Adam Sandler! And he’s being serious!
WILL IT SUCK?
This comes from writer/director Mike Binder who created the surprisingly good Upside of Anger in ‘05. What’s interesting is that the grief Sandler’s character is dealing with (with some help from old buddy Don Cheadle) is from losing his family on 9/11. Strangely, there’s no mention of this in the trailer. Can’t tell if that’s admirable or confuzzling.
Early buzz is mixed leaning towards good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably not any worse than Spanglish. $43mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Reboot of the popular - well, for one film at least - franchise about turtles who kick ass.
WILL IT SUCK?
Nice voice cast. Kevin Smith, Ziyi Zhang, Patrick Stewart. Sadly, doesn’t look like they got Vanilla Ice or Corey Feldman to reprise their roles from II and III respectively. The cartoon was nice and the comic was the harshness so if they can tap into that, good on ‘em.
Early buzz is not good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As far as CG goes, Meet the Robinsons will be an issue the following week, but that doesn’t have any fanboy following. $79mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The National Guard vs. mutants.
WILL IT SUCK?
First of all, there was already a Hills Have Eyes 2, but that was bikers vs. mutants. Wes Craven writes here with his son, and newcomer Martin Weisz, already a hotshot for directing a cannibal film that got banned in Germany, directs.
Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sort of obliquely dealing with The Last Mimzy this week and definitely up against Skinwalkers the next, but ultimately in a class by itself. $42mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Black Men Can Swim
WILL IT SUCK?
First off, read what may turn out to be my favorite MPAA story of the year. Of the four screenwriters, the only one with a deep resume looks like he did Beauty Shop and Roll Bounce. That having been said, early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Crowded weekend doesn’t help. $19mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Toys from the future give kids strange new powers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Quite an involved background here. Based on a Lewis Padgett (actually Henry Kuttner and C.L. Moore) short story, “Mimsy Were the Borogoves” (title inspired by Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky”) and adapted by four screenwriters with everything from Jacob’s Ladder to Deadly Friend to their credit (actually, that’s just one guy) and directed by new Peter Jackson nemesis Bob Shaye. What was the question? Early buzz is generally good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
TMNT will crush this family-wise, and anyone looking for its scarier genre attributes will be more attracted to Hills. $34mil.
Limited
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy hears fortune teller’s prediction. Loses his shit.
WILL IT SUCK?
From two of the five writers of Children of Men. Guy Pearce, J.K. Simmons and William Fichtner are all up in this. Pretty cool lineup, although I feel like after watching the trailer I can already call the twist. Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the hottest cast of any indie this week. $2mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Women try to sneak into an Iranian soccer match (they’re not so much allowed to watch sporting events with men there). Iran, you so crazy!
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is quite good. Tied for the Silver Bear at Berlin and won the Amnesty International Film Award. Didn’t know they had one. But they won it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a little bit of advance buzz, but Sony Pictures Classics has got to dial this up. $500,000.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
John Malkovich plays a guy pretending to be Stanley Kubrick. Based on a true story.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but it’s interesting to note that both the writer and director were assistants to Kubrick on several films. Malkovich is supposed to be awesome (big shock) and Hustle fave Marc Warren lends a hand.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nobody knows about this film. $500,000.
Next Week: At this rate, I predict a Will Ferrell jai alai movie by 2010.
I Think I Love My Silence
Just got back from SXSW, so this is just going up now. I hear 300 made a couple of bucks.
3/16
Wide
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sandra Bullock wakes up one morning and her husband’s died in a terrible accident. She wakes up the next and he’s still alive. And back and forth. Make up your mind, lady!
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is downright awful.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I’m thinking not even Lake House numbers here. $33mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Killer ventriloquist dummies.
WILL IT SUCK?
I don’t know man. Those are some pretty creepy fuckin’ puppets. From the writing/directing team behind the Saw flicks. Early buzz is surprisingly good. Will certainly distance itself from all the other killer dummy movies out there.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
How many people can get drunk before they decide what movie to go see? $17mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remake of will-he-or-won’t-he infidelity flick Chloe in the Afternoon with Chris Rock as the potentially philanderous hubby.
WILL IT SUCK?
Given that Chris Rock is on the short list for World’s Funniest Human, you’d think his writing/directing credits on a film would be a guarantee, but unfortunately that just gives you Head of State. Nice to see Gina Torres get more work, though.
Lousy reviews.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much else in the way of comedy this month. $38mil.
Limited
THE WIND THAT SHAKES THE BARLEY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Black and Tan vs. guerrilla Irish in 1920.
WILL IT SUCK?
If you ever want to see narration just kill a trailer, watch this. That having been said, won the Palm D’Or at Cannes and if you love Cillian Murphy and/or Ken Loach, this is probably a must-see.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Have you even heard of Ken Loach? I’m going to guess less than half of you are raising your hands. $1mil.
BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
America’s Next Top Slasher
WILL IT SUCK?
People were buzzing about this at SXSW 2007 a year after it premeired at SXSW 2006.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Big budget competition comes from the Hills next week and the second frame of The Host presents indie competition this week. Still, overwhelmingly good buzz may help. $1mil.
Next Week: It really made sense for Shooter to move from a weekend with three competitors to a weekend with five.
More Greatest Hits
Here’s a film I made that I probably talked up if I met you at SXSW:
And here’s some embarassing video of me singing karaoke w/ Kev the other night. I swear I used to be able to sing.