SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read this if you haven’t watched first episode of Season Four proper of Doctor Who (so, you know, not the Titanic one but the one after that – although you should see the Titanic one first, too).

Here is a list of companions I would rather have The Doctor take on than Donna.

1. Mickey. Yes, Mickey.

2. That little burble of stardust Kylie Minogue turned into in Voyage of the Damned.

3. Donna’s kooky grandfather.

4. Nikki and Paolo from Lost.

5. A stapler.

6. A Dalek.

7. Two Daleks.

8. Rob Schneider.

9. Parker from Buffy.

10. Richard Hatch.

Here’s another question. Now that we’ve had snakes, insects and rats, what do you think will be the infestation of choice for the next Indy Jones flick (no spoilers if you already know)?

So, I underestimated Baby Mama but I was pretty much on target for Harold & Kumar. This bodes well for Tina Fey.

5/2

Wide

MADE OF HONOR

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
My Best Female Friend’s Wedding

WILL IT SUCK?
Hey, I’m as big a Michelle Monaghan fan as the next guy, but even I have my limits. From the director of such classic sequels as City Slickers II and Leonard Part 6. Two of the writers did Surviving Christmas and The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas but, to be fair, they also did Can’t Hardly Wait and the underrated Josie and the Pussycats. Early buzz not good.

By the way, is this not the goofiest film promotion of late? I mean, who wouldn’t want to get married at a movie premiere?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Counterprogramming only works if your movie doesn’t suck balls. Just ask License to Wed. $44mil.

IRON MAN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
He is Iron Man. Duh-de-duh-de-duh-duh. Vote for him.

WILL IT SUCK?
You had me at Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark. Seriously, this could be the first onscreen superhero to be more entertaining not in costume. Jon Favreau has twice proven his ability to take material that could have been horrible (Elf, Zathura) and turn it into silver if not gold. Two of the four writers did Children of Men. So, damn.

Early buzz loves the cast more than the movie.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s easy to underestimate just how many people are looking forward to this, since he’s not a Spider or Super Man. But they’re out there. $173mil.

Limited

SON OF RAMBOW

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
British Home Movies

WILL IT SUCK?
Certainly not. One of the best movies I saw at the Philly Film Fest. More here.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sundance buzz will help. $9mil.

FUGITIVE PIECES

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy tries to deal with his tortured past.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Rade Serbedzija (Boris the Blade in Snatch), who plays a man who takes in the lead as a boy, won a Best Actor award at the Rome Film Fest.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not a high enough profile to compete. $1mil.

MISTER LONELY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A Michael Jackson look-alike (Diego Luna) goes to live with a Marylin Monroe look-alike (Samantha Morton) in a whole community of look-alikes. Kind of like an Island of Misfit Toys for those people who hang around Hollywood Boulevard.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not so good, though this isn’t getting slammed much worse than any other Harmony Korine films. I will say this is probably the only movie this year to star David Blaine and Werner Herzog.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Harmony Korine films make discomfort, not money. $500,000.

REDBELT

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
David Mamet’s Lionheart

WILL IT SUCK?
As we all know, it was only a matter of time before Mamet wrote and directed a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu flick. Though this is supposedly more focused on the talky-talky than the kicky-punchy. Chiwetel Ejiofor in the lead doesn’t exactly hurt. Early buzz is mixed.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With rare exceptions, Mamet-directed b.o. is usually middling. $6mil.

Next week: First name Chim. Last name Chim.

7. Saving Private Ryan – Omaha Beach

“What the hell do we do now, sir?”

The opening 23 minutes of Steven Spielberg’s 1997 war chronicle takes the gritty realism previously reserved for less respectable conflicts like Vietnam and applies them to the Big One. The result is one of the most veteran-lauded depictions of battle ever filmed.

Spielberg, who already had a pretty good handle on how to make an action sequence at this point, abandoned many of his tried and true techniques in order to immerse the viewer in the world of the soldier. Eschewing storyboards in favor of improvisation, he acknowledged that the experience of the soldier was not well plotted out. He knew what happened on June 6, 1944, but the individual moments from point A to point B were more or less devised on each day of shooting. As a result, we get a collection of vignettes as opposed to a clear sequential process.

This makes things all the more visceral because we (a) focus on one moment at a time and (b) like the soldiers, have no idea what will happen next. To further enhance this aspect, Spielberg shot the entire scene (and the whole movie, for that matter) in sequence, with little knowledge of what he would shoot next.

He likewise abandons his reliance on John Williams in order to deliver the sequence without music. Since the soldiers didn’t hear any, neither do you. Another immersive aural element is the occasional warping of sound. It’s as if the blasts have momentarily shattered your eardrums.

Spielberg regular (though a relatively new addition at the time) Janusz Kaminski employs some interesting cinematographic techniques to enhance the experience. Going handheld alone kicks up the intensity. (Spielberg actually does some of his own handheld work here. Again, a rarity for him at this point.) In addition, his high speed shutter allows you to see every grain of sand as it kicks up in the air. Literally a gritty battle sequence.

The choice to leave blood on the lens in one shot both distances and immerses the viewer. On the one hand, it makes the presence of the camera obvious. On the other, as the camera stands in for your eyes, it gets blood on you. Children of Men faces a similar POV conundrum in its final scenes.

Another departure for Spielberg here is the use of gore. He’d been brutal before (Schindler’s List), and he’d tried to gross us out (Temple of Doom), but he’d never engaged in “serious” gore. The difference between the matter-of-fact violence in Schindler’s List in black and white and the same style of violence in color is astounding. There is a primal horror in the sight of a soldier, intestines spilling out, yelling for his mother.

There are plenty of tried-and-true Spielberg hallmarks at work as well. He understands, more than almost any director, how to communicate visually. When Sgt. Horvath collects sand in his jar we get, without words, how long he’s been in this war, how many countries he’s been to and one surprisingly gentle hobby he’s adopted. All in one, brief shot.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

See also: Final battle in Saving Private Ryan, all of Flags of Our Fathers, all of Glory.

Next: David Poland called it “the greatest CG action scene ever.”

…which of the following May blockbusters are you most jazzed for?

Iron Man

Speed Racer

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Let me know.

Update: Apparently, my comments are wonky. Just e-me at movie_pundit@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Update on That Update:  Comments are back!  Comment away!

…meant to post this a while ago. An interesting piece from the Wall St. Journal from last year, one of the upshots of which is that the separation of church and state can be good for the church, too.

First off, if you live in Pennsylvania and haven’t voted yet, do it now. We’ll wait…

See, that didn’t take long now, did it? (Actually, I know that something like 30,000 people registered right before the deadline a month ago, so, it might take a while. Although my polling place was damn near empty this morning, except for those campaigners and that one guy who I swear was less than 50 feet from the polling place in a serious violation of…sorry, right, the post.)

Anyhoo, reading James Rocchi’s excellent review of Election today put me in mind of my favorite campaign movies/shows. To wit…

Election. Well, duh.

Primary Colors. Saw this again for the first time in a while and it holds up well. It’s a perennial, not just focused on the Clintons but on all campaigns and, in a broader sense, all never-meet-your-idol stories.

Our Brand Is Crisis. Democracy is hard.

The Candidate. By far the best movie ever made about politics. Fucking ever.

Seasons 6 & 7 of The West Wing. Hit or miss, but there are some standout eps.

And yes, I left out Bob Roberts because, to my shame, I have yet to see it.

What are your favorites?

The market has spoken, evolution never happened.

From CinemaBlend:

Ben Stein’s documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed managed to make it all the way to ninth place despite only showing on 1,000 screens. The beauty of documentaries these days is that you have some kind of built in audience so long as your subject matter and approach is controversial enough.

4/25

Wide

HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Read the title.

WILL IT SUCK?
High-fucking-larious. Go now.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Opening against Baby Mama, the second frame of Sarah Marshall and right before Iron Man is not ideal, but Harold and Kumar (and NPH) have had plenty of time to build a fan base. $51mil.

DECEPTION

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ewan McGregor gets involved in a prostitution ring. Things go worse for him than for what’s-his-name.

WILL IT SUCK?
From the writer behind Live Free or Die Hard, but delays, title changes and such lead me to believe this is an April dump. Also starring Hugh Jackman, Maggie Q and Michelle Williams.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
April dumps do not do well. $15mil.

BABY MAMA

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Tina Fey hires Amy Poehler to carry her child. Maybe-she-should-have-kept-looking hilarity ensues.

WILL IT SUCK?
Written and directed by Michael McCullers, co-writer on Undercover Brother and the Austin Powers films. Fey’s got Romany Malco, Sigourney Weaver, Greg Kinnear, Dax Shepherd and Maura Tierney providing support. Early buzz is good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sarah Marshall the week before, Harold & Kumar this week and Made of Honor opens the very next. Still, Fey’s garnered a decent following. $41mil.

Limited

ROMAN DE GARE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Thriller involving a novelist researching her next book.

WILL IT SUCK?
The trailer should be taught in class called “How Not to Make a Trailer.” That havng been said, it’s got generally good buzz. Nominated for a Cesar. Director Claude Lelouch won an Oscar for writing A Man and a Woman back in ‘66. But it’s likely Web folk are more familiar with the kick-ass driving short he directed.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
And even more people have no idea who Claude Lelouch is at all. $1mil.

DEAL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The Color of Poker

WILL IT SUCK?
Burt Reynolds plays the Paul Newman role and Reaper’s Bret Harrison plays Tom Cruise. To look at the trailer, this will follow every cliche it can get its hands on. Early buzz is not good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think I speak for most Reaper fans when I say, I like the show, but not that much. $500,000.

STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Errol Morris takes on Abu Ghraib.

WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of a Silver Bear at Berlin, early critical buzz is mixed; but I’m willing to give Morris the benefit of the doubt. Check out the larger picture of which this doc is only going to be a part.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Awesome as they may be, Errol Morris movies are never really “hits.” $3mil.

THEN SHE FOUND ME

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Helen Hunt stars in her directorial debut as a woman dealing with a new pregnancy by her ex-husband (Matthew Broderick), a new beau (Colin Firth) and the discovery of her birth mother (Bette Midler).

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Won the Audience Award at the Palm Springs Film Festival.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Honestly, not that much competition. Well-marketed, this could make it happen. $5mil.

Next Week: First name “Iron.” Last name “Man.”

What happens when you give Ringo Lam (City on Fire), Tsui Hark (Once Upon a Time in China) and Johnny To (Exiled) the same camera? You get Triangle, a taut-yet-amusing entry in the heist-gone-wrong genre. The amusing part comes mostly from To, who contributed the final third. The first third comes from Hark and was built upon by Lam in the second third. Each director took what the other had created and added to it exquisite corpse-style. The only part I could recognize was To’s, mostly because I’ve seen more of his films and also because it’s hard to see a absurd/gorgeous shootout and not think, “To.”

The next night, I checked out In a Dream, which can probably be described as the “breakout hit” of the fest. It sold out it’s first two screenings, prompting the addition of a third screening, which also sold out. It then made it into the “Festival Favorites,” which meant a fourth screening, which, say it with me….

I made it to that final screening. On paper, I didn’t expect it to be my cup of tea. A documentary about a Philly artist who creates these really cool mosaics that cover the inside and outside of entire buildings. I’ve been to one. It’s cool. But I wasn’t thinking, “Wow, I really need to see a doc about this guy!”

As it turns out, In a Dream is not a documentary about an artist; it’s a documentary about an entire family. Director Jeremiah Zagar started filming his father Isaiah, the artist in question, almost ten years ago, and in that time the film has evolved into what it is now, a mesmerizing portrait of an American family. The art is there, of course, and plays a major (and quite beautiful) role, but it’s not the heart of the matter.

As with Secrecy, it’s as much how the story is told as the story itself that makes the film stand out. There is as much artistry in the filmmaking as in the art it depicts. Shilo, the company who made that kick-ass Blackjack commercial, brings some of his father’s drawings to life. He also shoots in 35mm and video, rendering a collage-like effect that mimics his father’s mixed media work.

Zager the youngest was on hand to talk about his film, pointing out that the film took directions he never expected (much as it does the audience) and that it wasn’t until Keiko Deguchi, who co-edited the film, came on board and brought the mother’s perspective into sharper focus that the film really took shape.

Along with Secrecy, this is probably the best film I’ve seen at the fest, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up on the Academy short list for Best Doc.

Vexille is a futuristic anime flick I’ve had my eye on ever since I heard the premise: A strike force infiltrates a Japan that’s been off the radar for 10 years while it develops android technology banned by the rest of the world. What they find is really cool from a story perspective, but lamely executed from a nuts-and-bolts screenplay perspective. This is the kind of movie where, when people die, their names are screamed really loud by the main character. There are a few kick-ass action sequences and some memorable visuals (e.g. giant worms made out of scrap metal whirlpools), but that’s about it.

Didn’t quite make the closing night film, so this will be my farewell and adieu to the 2008 Philadelphia Film Festival.

Son of Rambow was my most anticipated film of the fest. After hearing the film’s geektastic premise – two boys decide to remake First Blood – and the accompanying Sundance love, I was hooked. It did not disappoint.

Writer/director Garth Jennings and producer Nick Goldsmith (known collectively as Hammer and Tongs) take all of the things that worked about their feature film debut, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and jettison everything that didn’t. What’s left is absurdist humor mixed with the sweetness of a kid’s film that (unlike some I could mention) entertains sans treacle.

Bill Milner plays Will Proudfoot, a sheltered young boy growing up in 1980’s England. He meets his school’s Bart Simpson, Lee Carter (Will Poulter), whom he insists on calling by his full name (e.g. “That was great, Lee Carter!”). It’s endearing.

Turns out, Lee’s making a film to enter into a BBC young filmmaker contest. He recruits Will to be his stuntman. Having just seen his first movie against his mother’s wishes (his religion forbids it), Will is all for it. That movie, of course, is First Blood.

Son of Rambow captures all the energy a film can infuse in a little boy. Especially a little boy without a lot of friends and a huge imagination. Having some experience with that, I can tell you they get it right. But the film is great for a hundred other reasons besides that, and you don’t have to be a film geek to fall in love with it.

By the same token, you don’t have to have grown up in the Philadelphia school system (I didn’t) to be heartbroken by the next film I saw, First Person. Six Philly teens in the public school system here were given camcorders and asked to document their junior and senior year as they apply for college. What follows is pretty much what you’d expect from a system where 78 percent of students expect to get into college but less than half actually do.

It’s one thing to know a school system is bad, but it’s another to actually live it through these students’ eyes. The only thing I can fault the film for is occasionally poor sound quality, since I really wanted to hear what these kids have to say.

It’s also interesting to watch this film in the same fest as American Teen. It’s like two different countries.

The filmmaker, Benjamin Herold, has actually started a scholarship fund in the film’s name.

Next: Three Hong Kong filmmakers walk into a tea house.