This summer, I visited London. While there, I visited the London Zoo. Little did I know, they keep Komodo dragons there.
Komodo dragons are the world’s largest living lizards and, as such, are kind of the closest thing we have to dinosaurs. I’ve always been kind of fascinated by them, but I had no idea just how lethal they actually are.
Incidentally, one of the two they had on display was in Skyfall.
So here are a few of the ways in which Komodo dragons can totally kill the shit out of you (and just be plain cruel and unstoppable to boot).
- They could bite you. This may not sound like much but (a) the way they bite is to dig in and shake from side to side which will pretty much rip up any muscle you have so you ain’t going nowhere (b) if that doesn’t work, they have a venom in their saliva that acts as an anti-coagulant meaning that you’ll bleed out eventually and they’ll just come along and collect you later, which should be a snap because…
- They’re faster than you. Much faster. Don’t try to outrun them. It’ll be embarassing. And then you’ll die.
- If you thought “Maybe I’ll climb a tree,” don’t bother. Komodo dragons learn to climb trees at a very young age. Know why? To avoid their parents who are trying to eat them. (As to why the parents, who clearly know how to climb trees, don’t come after them, maybe that’s their version of parental love.)
- This part is truly disturbing: Komodo dragons deliberately track pregnant animals. When the animal gives birth, the Komodo dragon swoops in and eats the baby. Because they’re fucking assholes.
- Komodo dragons have a sick-ass sense of smell. They can smell things, like, four miles away. For those of you in Philly, it’d be like one was hanging out at the art museum and could pick out a burger cooking at the aquarium in in Camden, NJ.
- Let’s say you want to play the long game, and wait for an entire population of Komodo dragons to die out. Well, I’ve got some bad news for you. Let’s say they were down to just a few females and no males. You’re thinking, game over. Last generation. No more babies. Not so fast. It has just been established, based on the female Komodo dragon in that very London zoo, that they are capable of parthenogenesis. Which is fancy talk for the female can impregnate herself! Yeah. That just happened. They can only have males but, if you think about it, under those circumstances, what else do you need?
Here’s some video of one from the zoo. It’s much deadlier than it looks, apparently.
And here is an otter playing with a pebble, just to balance things out.
Of course, now it turns out otters are assholes, too.