This is how busy I am. Only just now writing about the Oscars. One surprise: Departures upsets Bashir. That is all.
2/27
Wide
JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Kind of like The Last Waltz, but with The Jonas Brothers. And in 3D.
WILL IT SUCK?
Really? Is the choice of director going to make ANY difference in whether or not you want to spend 90 minutes with the Jonas Brothers? If Peter Fucking Jackson directed it, and you normally hated the Jonas Brothers, would you turn around and say, “Shit, Negro! Why didn’t you SAY Peter Jackson wuz directing this bitch!”
I didn’t think so. And, yeah, it’s the same guy who directed the Miley Cyrus concert film. Early buzz is bad.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unless there’s a Cheetah Girls movie coming out that I don’t know about, this has no competition. $66mil.
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
I don’t know if it’s best to think of this as a reboot of the 1994 movie version of the game, or just a version with the exact same plot as the Mortal Kombat movie.
WILL IT SUCK?
Okay, I’m one of the few guys who actually liked Romeo Must Die, but even that doesn’t make up for director Andrzej Bartkowiak’s Cradle 2 the Grave, Exit Wounds, or Doom. Early buzz is horrible, unless it was supposed to be a comedy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even without Watchmen blowing everything out of the fanboy water next week, I don’t think anyone was clamoring for a Street Fighter movie to begin with. $31mil.
Limited
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Traffic for illegal immigration.
WILL IT SUCK?
I’ll give writer/director Wayne Kramer some credit. The Cooler was renowned and Running Scared (not that one, that one was freakin’ perfect) was underrated in its own little fucked-up way, but the trailer for this just looks god-awful. Like some bad TV show about immigration as opposed to a good movie. It is interesting to see Harrison Ford in a limited release, but still.
Early buzz seems to confirm the trailer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition. And the name-recognition could help. $8mil.
Next Week: Everybody watches the Watchmen.
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