So I was watching Dancing With the Stars (don’t look at me like that) and I had an idea. Kicking Ass With the Stars. Each week, Master Yuen Wo Ping would train celebrities how to do coreographed fights just like he did with Keanu and crew on the Matrix movies and then the celebrities would fight (martial arts stunt teams, each other, dogs, children, doesn’t matter). Whoever kicked the most ass would win. Whoever kicked the least would be let go.
And we wouldn’t just go with the typical hunky C-listers, no. We’d bring in Kevin James. You know why? Because you wouldn’t see him coming. You’d be walking down the street and you’d see Kevin James and be all like “Oh, hey, Kevin James!” and then you’d be on the ground and your arm would be across the street and you’d be all like “Holy shit! Did Kevin James just knock me down and tear off my arm and throw it across the street?!?” And he’d be gone already.
This is not the Kevin James you think of now, but after his career-changing turn on Kicking Ass With the Stars it would be the only Kevin James you knew.
I’d watch that, but only if it could be judged by the Ninja from “Ask a Ninja”. And ONLY if he’s given weapons.