What Happens in Speed Racer
I thought after this weekend Iron Man would be on track for close to $200mil. Try $300mil. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer film.
5/9
Wide
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Here he comes.” Who? “Here comes Speed Racer.” Who’s that? “He’s a demon on wheels.” Thank you, informative theme song.
WILL IT SUCK?
What’s your tolerance for kitsch? The Wachowskis have decided to play up that aspect of the show (a pretty large aspect, admittedly) rather than create a “bad-ass” version of the TV classic. This could result, maybe, in a surprisingly entertaining, cringe-free experience. But the odds are slim. Not because of the Wachowskis who, more often than not, are adept filmmakers (people remember Matrix Revolutions but forget about Bound). No, because it’s really, really easy to aim for kitsch and hit camp.
Early buzz seems to be, “Well, um, it sure looks good.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s not that the show doesn’t have a following, it’s more that I don’t think that many people will trust the flick to not just be an even cheesier version of the show. $140mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz get a quickie wedding in Vegas which they regret. But when Kutcher wins $3 million with Diaz’s quarter in a slot machine, they have to stay married for six months to get the money.
WILL IT SUCK?
If you didn’t stop reading at “Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz,” this movie might be for you. From the writer of The Wedding Date. Early buzz is actually good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A higher profile cast plus no competition the following week equals more effective counterprogramming than Made of Honor the week before. $66mil.
Limited
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Fugitives on the run pick the wrong place to hide.
WILL IT SUCK?
Writer/director Xavier Gens’ first American flick, Hitman, arrived last fall while this, his French debut, waited in MPAA hell. In Gens’ defense, he did not write Hitman. Getting favorable comparisons to Saw and Hostel, if you’re into that sort of thing.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Saw and Hostel are not Saw and Hostel anymore. $4mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy in a hospital tells some kid a tale of five people fighting the same evil ruler.
WILL IT SUCK?
Get ready for more trippy visuals from The Cell and “Losing My Religion” director Tarsem Singh. This time he writes, too. They’ve also got a writer from Freejack and Two for the Money on board, so, um, yeah. But, hey, anything to get Lee Pace on the big screen, right? Spike Jonze and David Fincher seem to like it, hence their “presenting” credit. Critics do not seem to like it, but audiences are into it thus far.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Tarsem minus J-Lo equals smaller box office than The Cell. $5mil.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Doc about a doctor who gave it all up to wander the country surfing wherever the day took him. Oh, and he took his nine-kid family with him.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of Big Rig, which I heard rocks, and Scratch, which I know rocks. Nabbed the audience award at Gen Art. Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Scratch didn’t do that well, either. $500,000.
Next Week: For the last time, Prince Caspian, you may NOT follow me on Twitter!