April 2007 Movie Preview

This month, the studios seem to be packing each weekend with as much throwaway fare as possible to clear the shelves for next month’s tentpoles. But there are still some potential gems.

4/6

Wide

ARE WE DONE YET?

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Mr. Cube Builds His Dream House

WILL IT SUCK?
What is John C. McGinley doing up in here? I know it’s probably the last season of Scrubs, but seriously. From the writer of Saving Silverman and the director of Next Friday, Rebound and Daddy Day Care.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Ice Cube in a family-friendly comedy is kind of like Matthew McConaughey in a romanitc comedy, unstoppable for reasons beyond compreshension. $73mil.

GRINDHOUSE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino bring back the eponymous genre with two films for the price of one.

WILL IT SUCK?
Ignoring for a moment the fact that the last time these two directors got together the result was From Dusk Til Dawn, I’m actually pretty psyched. Both, on their own, are capable of tremendous filmmaking, and the little bit I saw that Rodriguez presented at SXSW left me wanting more. The cast is awesome: Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Michael Biehn, Naveen Andrews, Nicky Katt, Tom Savini, Kurt Russell, Zoe Bell (Uma’s stunt double from Kill Bill and the focus of the excellent doc Double Dare) and Danny Trejo.

This is the kind of movie where Nic Cage has a cameo as a guy named Fu Manchu in a fake trailer called Werewolf Women of the SS directed by Rob Zombie and starring Sybil Danning. What’s not to love?

Early buzz is very good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
300 proved that a hard R doesn’t necessarily mean low box office. $85mil.

THE REAPING

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Hilary Swank investigates modern-day Biblical plagues.

WILL IT SUCK?
Given the numerous release delays, the fact that it’s Dark Castle, the Revolution Studios of horror, and that this comes from the writer of the House of Wax remake, I’m going to say that’s a good bet.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Are they trying to bury this by opening against Grindhouse? $12mil.

FIREHOUSE DOG

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Big time Hollywood dog joins small town firehouse.

WILL IT SUCK?
Director Todd Holland’s feature film resume is a tad slim (remember The Wizard with Fred Savage?), but in between he’s directed a lot of good TV (everything from Malcom in the Middle to Wonderfalls). The writers have done everything from Face/Off to The Mask (I guess those are thematically similar) and one of them did the story for Curious George but I’m still convinced this is going to suck.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will play The Reaping to Are We Done Yet‘s Grindhouse. $24mil.

Limited

THE HOAX

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
True story of a guy who wrote a fake biography of Howard Hughes.

WILL IT SUCK?
Lasse Hallstrom has fallen on critical hard times of late, but early buzz for his latest is great. Certainly has a solid cast, with Richard Gere, Alfred Molina, Hope Davis, Julie Delpy, Stanley Tucci and Zjelko Ivanek among others. The delayed release makes me a little nervous, but one theory holds that the faliure of Hollywoodland and a crowded Oscar season led Miramax to push this from last fall.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I just don’t see that much enthusiasm out there at this point. Strangely, star-studded period indies often have a hard time in the art house. $4mil.

BLACK BOOK

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A Dutch Jewish woman does whatever it takes to survive WWII.

WILL IT SUCK?
It looks like Paul Verhoeven has made his first film in decades that doesn’t camp itself out of existence. Not only that, but early reviews have that this goes beyond “not embarassing” to “holy crap that was good” levels of quality.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Verhoeven isn’t feeding soldiers to bugs or showing off Sharon Stone’s junk, it’s hard for him to draw an audience. $1mil.

THE TV SET

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
David Duchovny tries to protect his creation from TV execs.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz from critics has it that this is (a) too Inside Sports for the casual viewer and (b) has nothing new to say about the Evils of the Television Power Structure. Early buzz from audiences has this as a better film than writer/director Jake Kasdan’s previous efforts The Zero Effect and Orange County. All I know is it’s got Judy Greer in a supporting role and ain’t nothing wrong with that.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I’m thinking people will stay home and watch 30 Rock for their TV satire fix. $1mil.

4/13

Wide

PERFECT STRANGER

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A movie just about Balki. Actually Halle Berry goes undercover to try to ferret out Bruce Willis as a killer using the interwebs.

WILL IT SUCK?
Fueled by one of the worst trailers in recent memory, I’m going to guess this will fall into the Who’s That Girl class of James Foley flicks and not the Glengarry Glen Ross class. Oh, and it’s Revolution studios in one of their dying gasps of suckage.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As tired as people claim to be of Willis and Berry, they still go to see their movies. $37mil.

DISTURBIA

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The Burbs but, you know, scary.

WILL IT SUCK?
DJ Caruso can direct well when he’s given good material (The Salton Sea) and here he probably has better material to work with than his last film (Two for the Money). With a screenplay co-written by better-than-average thriller Red Eye scribe Carl Ellsworth, we could be in the ballpark. Early reviews are mixed, but lean toward good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Teen skew could approach When a Stranger Calls dollars. $38mil.

PATHFINDER

(Delayed from January)

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Animated tale of the bravest little SUV ever! Actually, Norseman raised by Native Americans kicks Norse ass.

WILL IT SUCK?
On its third delay. Marcus Nispel (Texas Chainsaw remake) directs. The writer of Alexander did the screenplay. Early buzz is not good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Strangely, all those delays have given it time to pick up interest. $41mil.

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The colon is a punctuation mark.

WILL IT SUCK?
I’ve only seen a few ATHFs in my life, and they’ve all been funny. Same team here, so no reason to think this will be much different. Early buzz is very good. Great trailer, btw.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Cult followings don’t usually generate huge b.o. $29mil.

REDLINE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Like Cannonball Run, but with a shorter attention span.

WILL IT SUCK?
Those of you who guessed that this was directed by a stunt coordinator may advance to the next round.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will have to split the tweens with Disturbia. $22mil.

SLOW BURN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
D.A. Ray Liotta gets drawn into a noir involving his A.D.A. (Jolene Blalock).

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz has this as a lame Usual Suspects rip-off. And to think this came from the scribe behind Murder at 1600 and The Art of War.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it could decide whether or not it’s a limited or wide release, that might help. No, not really. $16mil.

Limited

YEAR OF THE DOG

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Must Love Dead Dogs

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Can you believe writer/director Mike White used to pen Dawson’s Creek? If that doesn’t sound odd to you, go watch Chuck & Buck. Here he directs Molly Shannon, Peter Sarsgaard, Regina King and John C. Reilly.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Mike White’s brand of comedy isn’t always everyone’s cup of tea, but the buzz has it he’s softened his edge a little here, which might make for a broader appeal. $8mil.

LONELY HEARTS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
John Travolta and James Gandolfini track down Jared Leto and Salma Hayek in a retelling of the Lonely Hearts Killers true crime story.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but if you ask me, opening up a club where B-list celebrities hunt down C-list celebrities would make a great reality television show.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Don’t think the latest Travolta comeback via Wild Hogs will help this one. $2mil.

4/20

Wide

VACANCY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale can check out any time they like, but they can never leave. Actually, they can’t check out, either.

WILL IT SUCK?
Though I can’t tell you jack about the writer, the director did the moody Kontroll and could be very interesting as a horror director. Trailer actually looks pretty good, which I can’t say for 90 percent of the the horror previews out there.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Second frame of Disturbia might be a little bit of a challenge and Next could draw a little of this flick’s demo the following week, but this could still have a respectable open. $53mil.

FRACTURE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Prosecutor Ryan Gosling takes on accused killer Anthony Hopkins, who decides to defend himself.

WILL IT SUCK?
It’ll be fun to watch Hopkins and Gosling try to out-act each other, but the writing is anyone’s guess. It’s nice to see Primal Fear director Gregory Hoblit back in the courtroom, though.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will skew slightly older than Vacancy, but it will still be interesting to see if up-and-coming B-lister Gosling can take on established B-lister Wilson, who has yet to truly carry a film. My money’s on Wilson. $35mil.

IN THE LAND OF WOMEN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The O.C. in reverse. Seriously, you’re waiting for that one guy in the trailer who kicks Adam Brody’s ass to yell “Welcome to the Michigan suburbs, bitch!”

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Adam Brody has done his fair share of smaller roles on the big screen (Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Thank You for Smoking). Now it’s time to see if he can carry a film. A smallish indie romcom not too far removed from successful territory like Garden State seems as good a place to start as any. Also gives the latest Kasdan ingenue (they’re like Wayanses) Jon to get his writer/director on.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Great counterprogramming. No true romcoms for miles. $44mil.

Limited

HOT FUZZ

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The Shaun of the Dead crew take on buddy cop films.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is great. I do mean the same crew as Shaun of the Dead. Same writers, same director, a lot of the same cast (Simon Pegg, Bill Nighy,Nick Frost, Martin Freeman). Add to that Paddy Considine, Timothy Dalton, Jim Broadbent and uncredited cameos by Cate Blanchett, Steve Coogan and Peter Jackson.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This pretty much going to be the indie flick of April. $14mil.

THE VALET

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
French situation comedy where a guy must get another guy to pretend to be going out with this girl so that nobody knows that it’s really the first guy who’s going out with her cos’ he’s married, see?

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but you gotta love writer/director Francis Veber’s track record (The Closet, The Dinner Game). And lead Daniel Auteuil is La Merde (The Closet, Cache).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
For a guy you’ve probably never heard of, Veber’s American B.O. track record isn’t half bad. $7mil.

THE TRIPPER

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy dressed as Ronald Reagan goes around killing hippies. That old chestnut.

WILL IT SUCK?
I’m sorry, but if Michael Chabon had written the screenplay it wouldn’t make any difference because you would have made up your mind whether or not you want to see this before you got to the “will it suck” part. As it happens, this comes from the mind of David Arquette who writes and directs under his Coquette production banner (get it? Cox and Arquette?) with Paul Reubens and Jason Mewes filling out the cast. Early buzz is actually pretty good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
They picked the right release date, but I don’t know if the stoner crowd can be counted on for organized support. See Baked, Half. $2mil.

4/27

Wide

THE INVISIBLE

(Delayed from January)

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Teen Ghost

WILL IT SUCK?
David S. Goyer, hot off co-writing Batman Begins, has decided to direct…this, which he didn’t write. That honor actually goes to the writing team who put together the original, a Danish film itself based on a Danish book. And we know how well adaptations of foreign horror usually go. Justin “I Can’t Believe That’s Not the Kid Who Played Connor on Angel” Chatwin stars.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The tweens who don’t go to Next will go to this, then they’ll all go to Spider-Man next week. $24mil.

NEXT

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Nic Cage can see the future. Well, a couple of seconds of it, anyway.

WILL IT SUCK?
Let’s face facts, Lee Tamahori has directed some crap (and this is coming from a guy who liked Die Another Day). The writers are responsible for such atrocities as The Punisher and Navy Seals, and basing your story on a Philip K. Dick novel is no guarantee (see Paycheck). On the other hand, the writers have also brought us Hollywoodland, Big Trouble in Little China and the better-than-it-usually-gets-credit-for Total Recall, so there’s an outside chance it won’t suck, but don’t count on it.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I get the sense that Revolution is just running out the clock, tossing out the films it’s contractually obligated to release before it shutters for good. If you compare the ad campaign for this to the one for Ghost Rider, it’s clear they’re not pulling out all the stops. $34mil.

THE CONDEMNED

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Like Battle Royale, but with convicted killers instead of high school kids.

WILL IT SUCK?
The WWE movie machine just keeps on churning. I personally can’t wait to watch Stone Cold Steve Austin take on Vinnie Jones. And from the writers of Clockstoppers!

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Might do better than you think. $30mil.

KICKIN’ IT OLD SKOOL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Breakdancing prodigy, um, breaks and wakes up twenty years later to be socially awkward for our amusement.

WILL IT SUCK?
Here’s your first hint, it’s called Kickin’ It Old Skool. Also, the last time Jaime Kennedy made this movie it was called Malibu’s Most Wanted. I will cop to giggling a couple of times during the trailer, however. Oh, and Smallville saving grace Michael Rosenbaum has got to get a new agent (Cursed, Sorority Boys).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, at least this was probably less expensive than Son of the Mask. $18mil.

Limited

WIND CHILL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Thirteen Really Cold Ghosts

WILL IT SUCK?
This has a slightly better pedigree than it probably needs. Shadow of the Vampire writer Steven Katz is up in here with Criminal director (and longtime Soderbergh protege) Gregory Jacobs. And Emily “Devil Wears Prada” Blunt takes the lead. Still looks kind of boring.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Why would you release this would-be When a Stranger Calls in indie-land? It’s not exactly Wolf Creek. $5mil.

JINDABYNE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Scandal in an Australian town involving a fishing trip and a dead body.

WILL IT SUCK?
Lots of international kudos, but critics here are going 50/50. I have to admit, I found helmer Ray Lawrence’s last film, Lantana, to be well-acted but kind of dull. With Gabriel Byrne and Laura Linney on board here, I expect the first part to hold true, at least.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Needs more buzz, but Byrne and Linney make for good art house catnip. $4mil.

SNOW CAKE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Alan Rickman, after indirectly causing the death of a woman, goes to visit her autistic mom (Sigourney Weaver) and rediscovers himself because, really, it’s all about him.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, unless you’re Slant’s Ed Gonzalez. Autism is rarely handled well on film, but at least you’ve got Rickman up in here.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not even on the radar. $500,000.

DIGGERS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Coming of age tale about clam diggers on Long Island.

WILL IT SUCK?
No one really seems psyched about it, but early buzz is good. Written by State alum Ken Marino with Paul Rudd in the ensemble.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Gonna get lost in the wash. $500,000.

Next Month: Probably the highest-grossing thirty-one days in Hollywood history.